Wednesday, April 22, 2015

NaPoWriMo Day 11/30

4/11/15 1:23 pm but it's not tomorrow until I go to sleep today

I promise to keep your secret
The one that you won't tell
Though it slips along words we share
I'm your friend
It's what I do
And a soon as I figure out what it is you're scared of
I'll keep that secret too

NaPoWriMo Day 22 (x3) / 30

I missed Day 21 but I'm pretty sure I made up for it...

4/22/15 6:40am, standing on the train trying to put this into words

How to describe to someone
Who's never loved like this before
That the obligation of living for You
Is my fondest wish
Even when I fail
That the bonds of love
Make me want to try again
There's no obligation at all


4/22/15 7:15pm, I don't think I've ever put it in so many words before

Dear Friend
We've disagreed on so many things

Our friendship started with a fight

In some ways
On very important things
We'll never see eye to eye

And yet
And yet

For all that you are
And all the words we've let loose
For tolerances
And unheard patience
For trusts
And confidences

All that I am
Loves all of you
Dear Friend


4/22/15 7:20pm, euphoria sometimes leads to introspection

Maybe I don't value all the things you've been to me
And that's why I can't write about anything
Except failure

Or maybe you've meant so much of everything
That failure is too strange
Not to remark upon

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

NaPoWriMo Days 8-20 Digest

Although I haven't been publishing (too tired) I have been writing quite a bit.  Here are most of the recent poems.

Day 11

Day 13

Day 18

Day 12

Day 8

Day 9

Day 14

Day 15

Day 20

Day 19

Day 10

Day 16

NaPoWriMo Day 13b/30

Another picture post.  At the time, I thought I'd post this one and the previous one together.  Haha.

4/13/15 10:30am

NaPoWriMo Day 12/30

4/12/15 10:00 am, I've said it now I'll have to do it

I'll gather together all the things I've written
About you
All bundled and sorted
I'll put the depth of my regard
Into your hands

(Inspired by a friend of mine who is also participating.)

NaPoWriMo Day 20/30

4/21/15 12:29am, looking back I realized something

Little Brother
This, apparently
Is the time of year
When I go looking
For you

Tell me
Little Brother
When is the time of year
When you can be found

NaPoWriMo Day 19/30

4/19/15, 11:40pm neither stupid nor crazy, there's a reason I write this one a lot

I always wondered what it would take
To make me one of your
Revisionist projects
To write me out
To recast me
As a villianness
Hiding in our [your] own midst
I've seen you do it before
When there were no witnesses
To contradict the new tale you present
(None but me at least)
And I always think the same thing
Are you lying now
Or were you lying to me then

NaPoWriMo Day 18/30

I lost a day, but I think with all the duplicates I have more than enough to have written 30 poems in 30 days.

4/19/15 12:56 am, but I haven't been to bed yet

Oh Lord
Thank you that it's tomorrow
That I can go forward having finally got it
And that I can wake up in the morning to start it right

NaPoWriMo Day 15/30

4/15/15 11pm, what WOULD 6 hours of sleep do for me?

Things I'm not doing today:
Lying to myself
Giving up
Or tearing off heads
Nor jumping off cliffs
Nor giving up on this thing I've been gifted
(Not all gifts are the ones you expect)
Excessively erudite

Things I will not be today:
Angry enough not to care who bleeds under my hands
Viciously correct
Emotions unchecked
Putting my fickleness first
Burned out
And burning everyone else on my bruised ego

I'm going home
I'm going to bed
Resting well to take up arms again

NaPoWriMo Day 14/30

Another picture post.  Mostly I wasn't up to typing it again.

4/14/15 1:08pm, there are some things you can't walk out (they have to be confronted).

NaPoWriMo Day 16/30

4/17/15 1:05pm, i repeated this over and over for hours so i wouldn't forget

A  bead of honey is pretty
Until it sticks to your knees
And ants come up in threes
To see what's left on you fingertips

NaPoWriMo Day 13/30

4/13/15 12:46am, must not forget compassion

I've been preparing for this moment
For months
For years maybe
But now that it's here
Mostly I wonder
How are you doing?

NaPoWriMo Day 9b/30

A picture post, at the time I thought I'd upload this around lunch.  Ha.

4/9/10 7am, randomly playing our song

NaPoWriMo Day 9/30

4/9/15 almost 6pm, but i'd started writing this earlier

Things I'm not doing today:
Arguing From a Point of Weakness
Going Out in a Blaze of Glory
Going Out Like That (our At All for that matter)
Fearing What I've Done Before

I've done this before
I know I don't have to win
(nice though it is)
I just have to tell it all with grace
And Truth

NaPoWriMo Day 10/30

4/10/15 7:10 pm, just a little ditty I sang to myself (unfinished)

You're gonna like me when I'm gone
I'll be the store for all your wrongs
You'll rewrite my history
The way you need it to be
You're gonna like me when I'm gone

You'll see our story with new eyes
All the good will turn to lies
You'll question my words
And all that you heard
You're gonna like me when I'm gone
[You're gonna like me when I cry]

Make me the martyr for your cause
You couldn't fix me, guess I lost
I'll be the picture you take
Of insanity's face
You're gonna like me when I'm gone
[You're gonna like proving me wrong]

NaPoWriMo Day 8/30

4/9/15 6:30 am

I am willing and waiting
You've laid something heavy on my account
And I've got to do it
What choice do I have?
I am yours
What other choice could I want?
I am yours
Few things seem more right
Than when I'm walking out the life I've been made for
Or more wrong than when I forfeit
The option

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

10:30ish a fridge moment while reading fanfiction

Someone once told me
that I must not tell lies
They cut into my skin
They try to bleed me dry
So I've stopped lying
I fight solely with the truth
There's a sword in my mouth now
No matter what they do

NaPoWriMo Day 3-7 (in no particular order)

(just ignore the dates... or think of it as poems 3-5/30)

NaPoWriMo Day 4

4/7/15 9:45pm this fridge moment happened [right away] 2 weeks ago but i'm only now writing it down

your convictions are going to catch up with reality
and that will be the end of you and me
because i made my decision long ago
and you don't seem hear it when you make yours

NaPoWriMo Day 3 

4/3-4/6/15 no title that i'm willing to share; inspired by movie night

Bitter wizard
Who convinced you to tear your wings
A mind as quick as yours
With a mouth that so ably speaks it's thoughts
It's hard to believe

Did they get you while you were young
Did they sink your heart in tragedy and never let you go

How they encouraged you
To build your magic on the lie
That everything we want is mine
And heartache never comes to the pure of heart

Or did they merely plant a weedy seed
That you've nurtured with the need to believe
That if I'm good, if he's good, IF THERE'S ANYTHING GOOD
Why do bad things keep happening
My love destroyed
Hope in ruins
And faith buried

But you've never waited for an answer
You couldn't create for yourself
Though it be bitter cold or a lie
Though it leaves gaping holes
Or twists logic around itself
At least you're satisfied
At least your choices are answerable to no one
Except everyone you've hurt
Starting with yourself

Under that callous
There's a heart of flesh

I remember it

NaPoWriMo Day 5

4/7/15 10:18pm, it's really 2 things but they're related

I dreamed
that after many years of not caring
we were a thing

I think that
I miss the summer when we were together
when I was your confidant
part of your close circle
and the school years that surrounded it
before your interests changed

Or maybe I changed

(Sometimes I think you miss it too
that this is the reason you still ask for me when I'm gone
when really it's been years since I've been close enough to miss)

I dreamed you proposed
and I said yes
so I went back home to get my dress
and on the way remembered all the ways we didn't work

Then I woke up

NaPoWriMo Day 6

4/6/15 6:50pm I've made some of my best friend (and lost others) this way

His first words to me are
"So your good God kills babies?"
(We're talking 3rd world and the hyper poor
The unborn don't count after all)

"Hello, how are you"
I want to know
"Doing well as you indict me (by proxy)?
"I hope so"
I've missed him
Wanted to do right
My friend who swears he's not a troll
Before I saw him again

"But to answer your question
What have you done for the babies lately
With your power to act to do to save"
(But in  less than 140 chars)
"The absolute free will you crave
"Indicts us all"

My turn now
To wait and see
What my young firebrand will say
My fingers will not tremble
My knees will not grow week
It's not my truth i speak
Though it's everything that sustains me

NaPoWriMo Day 7

4/7/15 i write this one a lot but not as often as some others

you could be dead for all i know
dead and buried ashes and gone
having never cared at all

Thursday, April 2, 2015

NaPoWriMo Day 2

4/2/15 11:29 pm and loopy from all the adrenaline

The knees get sore
And days seem long
But I wouldn't go back if you made me

Adulthood had its flaws
Its surprises and pitfalls
But it's my own voice in my autonomy

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

NaPoWriMo Day 1

4/1/15 9:30pm at the laundry; it's been a long day

So many things to be sorry for
Angry about
So many things to dwell on
Turn and turn over
Until they are all that I am

But I'm deciding to not be
My insecurities
I'm not going to be my anger
Nor let it be a mask
For the things I don't want to reveal

Tonight I'm choosing one thing
To believe you really did save me
From me:
All the voices that agree with the lie
That I'm always right

Save me now, Saviour
You chose me
And I'm choosing you again
In this moment

Hosanna in the highest
Save now