It was a beautiful day...

11 years ago today, I voted for the 1st time in my first major...primary election I think.  That morning is really sketchy for me because, to be quite honest, early-morning-September 11th may as well have happened on a different day or in a different universe.  It took a couple of days after the fact to even remember that I had voted at all.

But I digress.  The day started dark and chilly -- exactly what you'd expect early in September -- but turned into a truly gorgeous day.  By the time I got to school for my 8:30am class, people were already commenting about how lovely it was.  My Philosophy prof walked in late, as usual, and announced with something of a smile that a plane had just crashed into one of the World Trade Centers.  Curious looks along with curious chatter abounded -- really? a plane? I bet that was funny looking -- and then class went on.

I didn't have class right after Philosophy...or at least I think I don't.  The moment I was outside, I knew something was wrong.  There were too many people on the quad, a relatively small space compared to quads in other schools I'm sure, and all the conversation was wrong, wrong, wrong.  It was nervous.  It was furtive.  There were lots of milling groups, too many of them looking unhappy for early-September.  My CD walkman (hey, it was 11 years ago!) had a radio feature, and so I turned it on.  And was looking...and looking...and looking.  I don't remember if my primary local news station is the one I picked up.  By the time I got to the building where my club was housed in the basement, I'd gotten something for sure.

They weren't biplanes that had crashed into the Towers.

“Like Tony & Pepper finally realizing what they are to each other”/ Vulnerable / 3:00pm, 7/13/12

It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever had to say to you

Oh God help me
(But You’ve helped me plenty
Giving me the opening I was too scared to take for myself
Answering the whispered prayer in heart)

To tell you “No, I want forever…or nothing at all”
To your “Is that what you really want?”
To stick to a convention thought outmoded, outdated and illogical
When I’d been ready to settle for the modern, the conventional, the “smart” thing to do

But as much as I want you
As much as I want to be the one you wake up next to
I want to be that one you wake up to committed. Forever.
I don’t want to be a test run
I don’t want to try you out

All I want is to give you everything
All I’m asking for is everything in return

I’ve given you my answer
Whatever you decide to do with it—
Destroy my hope or make me fly—
Please don’t make me wait for yours

---

(I know it's probably unclear...this poem has 3 titles.  I couldn't decide on just the one :)

And then there was this...

...the last video from my gig on the 16th.  Though they aren't that great, the video takes forever to load.  Anywho, this is a bluesy cover of Bon Jovi's "Livin' On a Prayer" and probably my biggest worry of the whole night.  I mean, it's "Livin' On a Prayer"!  You should have seen me at the first rehearsal: I couldn't stop giggling.  But we changed it so much that it completely worked.  For us at least.  Hopefully other people agreed.  They seemed to.

Introducing...

...Mr. Landol, one of our band's other singers.  Like everyone else in the band, he's really doing this.  I'm the only hobbyist :-/

Blame my camera for the questionable quality of his voice, because, trust me, it was good.  I wish we'd been able to capture more.

I sing a little...

...in public, a very little. Like once a year.  In private, I sing all the frickin' time, unless someone puts me on the spot and asks me to. Yes, yes, I know I'm strange.  I'm not trying to hide it.

Anywho, last night was my one official performance for the year.  And I've got video to prove it.  Gah!  I think it's awful, but then I always think it's awful...  I apologize now for the poor sound quality and picture.  My camera's old and it shows.

I have 2 more videos to torture you with, I think, so stay tuned!  (Or run away screaming.  You have been warned, after all.)

I won't/Say you will

This is a story consisting entirely of dialogue, despite it's strange presentation.  I thought about putting in some description, if not actual dialogue tags, but I sort of like how it is right here.  I'll think on a second post with more detail.  None of the current capitalization/not-capitalization or spacings are accidental.  Enjoy!  Decipher ;)

***

-What are you trying to hide?

-What do you mean?

-Don't you know?
-Why did you run?

-...because if I didn't run away, I wouldn't have been able to walk away.

-So why not stay?

-Because you... because I won't take what's not mine.  it's not right, no matter how much I might want--

-So we keep dancing around the obvious?

-You keep dancing. 

-...you know I did all I could to keep you near me.

-i wondered.

-But you still ran away.

-I had no choice.  Was I supposed to wait for you to decide you were going to stay, or be the catalyst that helped you stray?  No.

-I'm sorry I made you feel that way.

-Are you?

-.....

Fin

Tell Her: Recompense

More from the Tell Her series.  Yeah, I hadn't realized it was a series either, but it suddenly went and had parts, and then an ending.  It's kinda wild.  I'm working on the end now.

She pushed her hair behind her ear, expression pained.  "I know I'm not the only one who makes your life crappy midweek every week, but I usually try not to be one of those people," she said, ending on a note that made it sound more like a question than a statement.  "So I kinda feel bad."  She pushed her hair back again, even though there was nothing to push.

He shrugged.  "It's okay.  It happens every week."

"I know, but..."

"You feel bad."

"Yeah.  So I kinda wanna make it up to you."

He chuckled.  "Don't worry about it."

Her nose scrunched and her lip curled as her expression became more pained.   

He chuckled again, turning away from her as he brought his elbows up onto the desk and laced his fingers together.  When he looked at her again, she was more forlorn.  "You really want to do something to make it up to me," he said.