Wednesday, August 26, 2015

8/20/15 been trying to put this into words for a while

[a love letter]

I see supermen all over the place
On the train
On the streets
Bored men wearing their children's hand me downs
But none of them are you

Some day that will make me smile
Some day that will be a fierce testament to the man you were
(It already is)

But today
And for many days
It's a reminder that there's no more you
And there never will be again

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Looking back I see...

(somehow this didn't get posted with the other May poems.  sorry about that)

...that May was rough, and it shows. Which is why I wrote "someday", I suppose.

a remembered friendship
Remember that song we both liked
from that movie we both saw
I was playing it the first time I met your husband
That's the moment I always picture now
me behind my desk
you standing
and your husband standing behind
all of us
wrapped in the simple pleasure
of a song

i wish we were better friends
i'd slip my arm around yours
and curl myself against your side
you'd lay your head on mine
and say something sour
until i pinched you in the end
it would be sweet
and comforting
and comfortable
without meaning more in that moment
than we mean to each other in ever other momment
then the meal would be over
and i would stand
and you would stand
we'd smile
until you said something inane
and i had to pinch you again
nothing more and nothing less
than basking in the presence of good friends

7/27/15 2:05pm, this is the picture I keep of you

Dear Friend
my favorite picture of you
is one that you hate
fresh faced
curls unruly

You were trying to make a point
if I'm not mistaken
trying to show me one thing
and I saw another

I want to replace all your made up faces
with this one
Dear Friend
the light behind you
no guile
no walls
and honest
putting on for no one
comparing yourself to no one
you and you alone

I wish you saw in yourself
what I've always seen in that picture
the way you glow when you forget to try

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

5/21/15, 10:25 pm, after my dodgeball high had worn off

Dear Friend
I hold the secrets you speak in my ear

Dear Friend
I hold the secrets you speak in my hearing
never intending to reveal them to me

And it hurts to know that you've found yourself
in a place of discontent and indecision

And it hurts to know you think I wouldn't go
down to that place with you

5/12/15, how do you put this into words that ppl will believe

Dear Husband
Because I love you
I'll admit this about myself now
Instead of making you fall
Into a trap my issues design

I'm a needy thing
And jealous too
Insecure, am I
Proprietary, too
And hard to convince

(All the times)
I cling
Needing the reassurance
Of you against me

Like a child I will always want you near
Even when I laugh and let you go
My skin yearns for yours
My eyes yearn for visions of you
Committing the heat of you

The feel of you
The shape of you
The scent of you
To my memory over and over again
Learning every variation

On your theme
Is my failsafe against my feverish conviction
That someday you'll realize
It's better to walk away
Not that you've ever said

Nor actions you ever took
But I'm a needy thing
An insecure thing
And hard to convince, too
Let me help you

Help me

05/07/15 I think I wrote this one a lot but not lately

whether you show up today
or whether you show up not at all
you are mine
as i am yours, Husband
and for now
in this moment
that's enough

5/5/15 6:48 pm trying to go grocery shopping

Dear random guy
Standing a little too close
(all things considered)
Your back to me
On the #nycsubway platform
I'm going to imagine you're my bodyguard
And I'm a very important person
Until our train comes