Monday, April 14, 2014

NaPoWriMo Day 13 & 14

4/13/14 10 to 10am on the way to Sunday School

I have made You small in my own eyes
I have put myself before You
made the creature the focus of my worship
instead of the Creator of All Things
I worshipped me
and fell apart when I failed myself

Forgive me

You are the Center of all things
the figure upon which all of my life
all of my life
must hang
You are my Comfort and my Joy
my Brother, Father and Friend
and I have been none of
those things in return

Forgive me

NaPoWriMo Day 11 x2

4/11/14 the morning they told me...

Never let them tell any lies when I die
If they want to say I was secretly sad
full of remorse and always felt bad for things done
never let them near my poetry

If they want to say I was always glad
full of light and joy and never mad at the sins of the world
make them read it all
twice

I lived
and I was alive
I was full of good and bad
My life was not my own
though I've selfishly tried to steal it back
I gave too much
and offered too little
I believed with all my heart
and sat down when I should have stood up
My white lies have brought down nations
and inconsequential kindness made monuments of goodness

I was a woman
whole
half-grown
not a caricutrue
fully drawn
but only half-known

-----

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

NaPoWriMo Day 8 & 9 and a Bonus

4/8/14 written at 9:29pm, composed much earlier

Dear Husband,
I think I've given up
on the idea of us
But don't tell anyone
They'll only feel sad
for what will never come


4/9/14 10:40am thinking in the dark

Iit's strange
realizing that some of the ones
who've known you lngest
understand you least
and don't know it

Time That Heals
should also be
Time That Reveals
but neither always works that way


Bonus
4/9/14 9:40pm, I've changed my mind

Dear Husband,
Forget everything I said last night
Come find me
Come home
It sucks being here alone
when I know you be only a "Hello" away
(How long is this hello going to take?)

Sunday, April 6, 2014

NaPoWriMo Day 6

4/6/14 9:35 am walking uphill

I used to have visions of us
But they weren't visions
They were imaginations
Dreams
Lies
I'm wiser now

Saturday, April 5, 2014

NaPoWriMo Day 5

When they start killing us
Will you remember that I'm your sister
Someone you trusted with your pain?
(I haven't changed)

Or will you be on the front lines
Shouting out my name
How "Your ideology was all a vain attempt, anyway
Besides, can't you just agree with what we say"?

Friday, April 4, 2014

NaPoWriMo Day 4 for sure

4/4/14 10:57 pm, how many times can I write you before we give up

Dear Brother
You've gone and died without saying goodbye
Haven't you
You forgot all about me
Your big sister dear
Who keeps her nose clean
I still don't drink
I still don't smoke
I'm still no better than you
But as you're the only one who ever cared to ask
Know one knows but you
(And though I'm sure you were trying to pull me off a holy pedestal
And tarnish the halo falling from my head
I appreciated it anyway
With you I could be down to earth)

I suppose you haven't died
That you've gone on to live your life
Quite forgetting about me
But though you have siblings aplenty to fall back on
I only have the one I've made my own
And, oh, little brother
So many of them have failed & forgotten me
I can't stand to think that you were first

NaPoWrMo Day 3...4...whatever

Yesterday was another kookie crazy day for me. I write this near the end of the day but was you exhausted to transcribe it to my book let alone the Web. Thank God I had the forethought to take a picture. I guess I know myself too well ;)