NaPoWriMo (30/30)

It's the last day of NaPoWriMo! (And possibly the last day for a while that I'll be posting, knowing me ;)  It's been interesting, and very cathartic--as you all now know--and at times very difficult.  I am reminded of what I knew all along, that my personal, non-fiction writing tends to happen when I'm unhappy or deeply inspired by something.  As a generally happy person, this means I have bouts of intense writing, followed by long dry spells.  Not so with NaPoWriMo!

The one thing that I haven't written all month, but totally love, is nonsense poetry.  I find it really hard to start, and so rarely do them but I love nonsense poetry all the same.  So here's my one and only nonsense poem, full of personal fangirlish name dropping, to close out the month after the jump. 

NaPoWriMo (29/30)

4/29/13 4:35pm

I feel like
I've been cut open by a mugger
but surely this is surgery

Then why am I still bleeding
Why does the wound still ache and seep
every time I come near it

Where is my closure?
Where I'd the Person to come and sew me back up?
I had some needle and thread
but I hardly know where to begin

If Someone will draw me a diagram
I would gladly follow it
Or is the diagram right there
and my stubborn eyes refuse to read it?

I don't know
but in weary from
holding myself together by my fingertips
and coming apart every time I dare to let go

Or maybe
maybe I'm still in surgery
just promise me that there will be an end

NaPoWriMo (28/30)

There were two poems for tonight, but the second didn't quite want to end so I'm still working on it.

4/28/13 doing laundry on a Sunday evening

why should i walk when I. Can.  RUN!
why is tallness = to slowness
i am low to the ground
and i never crawl
(and when i do crawl, i do it fast fast fast!)

there are springs in my knees!
and springs in my feet!
when i move i've got to move quick
there are springs in my feet!
there is excitement in my chest
bursting to get free

and if i jump jump run run
twist shout and scream
maybe that'll get it out of me
maybe this time you'll hear the song the body sings
and join me

NaPoWriMo (26-27/30)

Friday and Saturday were very long days for me, for very different reasons, so I ended up making picture posts for both days on Twitter and Facebook.  If you'd like to see my bad handwriting in all its atrocity, your best bet is to look for the twitter posts.  Anywho, here are the two poems under the jump.

NaPoWriMo (25/30)

Home stretch, ya'll.  As I was telling a friend of mine, doing this has shown me how much I write out of emotionality, particularly angsty, dark emotions, and so once those feelings have passed I find it hard to just...write.  Both my creative oppa and unnie have done marvelous things over these last 25 days with little more than the official NaPoWriMo prompt and/or their imaginations.  I, on the other hand, need a fire lit under me.  Or serious inspiration.  Anywho, on to today's poem. 

Remember how I mentioned I tend to camp out on subjects for a while?  Uh, so, yeah...here's a camp-er.  What's funny was that I meant to camp at an entirely different location, but this popped up before that other poem could fully form.

NaPoWriMo (24/30)

4/24/13 afternoon poem when I should be working

Little Brother
the truths I whispered to you
are truths only you know
Whether you begged them of me
out of interest
or to pull me off my throne
I am grateful
[to have been known]

NaPoWriMo (23/30)

Oh Lord
Search my heart

Is it still the gold you said it was
Or if is it now ashes in the flames?

Tell me, is it still true?
Because there are some days when I can't tell

NaPoWriMo (22/30)

4:20pm, 4/22/13

I've lived so much of my life as a nomad
That though I want to
I don't know how to come home to you

NaPoWriMo (21/30)

11:30pm-ish, 4/21/13, started writing on the way to church, then remembered I needed to review Sunday school lesson

I hope you don't mind
but I seem to be leap-frogging right through this friendship
skipping merrily through
all the boundaries I usually put up around me

Or maybe you don't notice
This is, after all
new for you, too

You don't know the hoops and blind hallways
the hedges, ditches and mounds
the guarded doors
the secret passwords
I usually keep between myself and the world

You don't know the simple tests for trustworthiness
the constant feeling out
between-the-line reading
and motive searching
(I'm such a girl)

And maybe
maybe
you never will

(Maybe I'm putting too much trust
in an all too fallible being
and when the honeymoon phase is over
this will have come to a terrible end)
as I dance along the edge of caution
and wanting to pull you in

I want to be friends
I want to be your friend
I want the sweetness of new-made friends to never end

NaPoWriMo (20/30)

1:30pm-ish epiphany while trying on clothes 4/20/13

Dear Revisionist History Friend,
I realize now it's not that you [always] revise the past
To fit the new you of the present
Calling false everything I know to be true
But that you spent so much time lying then
Trying to be everything you weren't
You can't keep track of it anymore

NaPoWriMo (19/30)

Found Poem: Music Notes

Sing 1st line
Long pause (they're waiting for me)
Sing again
(More pause?)
Sing verse normally

Do that again
Assymetry in the pause is nice
Long monotone blackbirds fly's

Jam

Come back to blackbird

NaPoWriMo (18/30)

10:27pm, 4/18/13, but i've been pondering this for a week or more

This is definitely the honeymoon phase of our friendship
(surely it won't last:
we'll find something to fuss and fight about
something we'll stub a toe on to make us shout;
there'll be some tick you don't like about me
and some habit I despise in you)
But though I know it's fleeting
I'm enjoy the process
of building up walls of synchronicity
against the days of aggravation and disinterest

NaPoWriMo (17/30)

11:47pm, 4/17/13

Holy One
Thank You for letting me be who I am
For letting me shine in the fullness of Your grace, in the glow of your glory
For not breaking me into a new shape, though You smooth my edges
For not forcing me to be like any of the others You call

You demand my will
You require the living sacrifice of my life
You made me to love You
to worship You
With all that I am
With all that I'll ever be
And in return You have given me the certainty
That though I am so far from perfect
I am a treasure loved and adored without measure
By the One who could have anything

Holy One
Thank You for stooping down
Close enough for me to call You
Father and
Friend

NaPoWriMo (15-16/30)

Day 15 is a picture post again, although I probably will share it at some point.  I had plenty of time to get it up but with everything happening in Boston, it didn't feel right.  Still doesn't.  Anywho, the FB friends and fellow twitterati can confirm that I did, indeed, photo-post Day 15's poem on the 15th.  See below the jump:

NaPoWriMo (14/30)

Disclaimer: I am not currently, nor have I ever been married, nor do I have current marriage prospects, nor have I consulted my married friends prior to the writing of this poem.  With that in mind: Please don't beat me up, marrieds!

6:30pm 4/14/13, watching dramas as is my wont

I love you
Husband
when you are goofy
When you are silly & bouncy & sugar-high
and such a complete nerd
I love you then

NaPoWriMo (13/30)

So if you've been reading along for all of the National Poetry Writing Month poems, you'll have noticed that I tend to camp out on a theme for a while before moving on to something else, and that sometimes my "moving on to something else" is more like a pit-stop to refuel than me really moving on.  I tend to ruminate.  Anywho, all that to say...

10:20pm 4/13/13, i thought i'd be writing about something else

all my biggest failures
seem to come
just before You expect the most from me

my prayers seem to consist only of
"See me
Forgiive me

Try my heart again
I'm sorry i've failed you
I'm sorry i'm like this"

and i know You see
the inner me that gives me so much consternation
the parts whose motives guide my mis-action
even when i want & know better

but what do You see
Lord
in wretched sinful me
when You listen to my pryaers
and peer into the places
i'd rather keep hid

NaPoWriMo (12/30)

6:15am, 4/12/13, tired of fighting

I know that you see me Lord
That you have searched me & known me
That you know my downsitting & mine uprising
But Lord
see me
even me:
My struggles & my deficiencies
my heart's ache & easy joy
the pendulum swing of my temperamental emotions

See these too, Lord:
The lazy obstinance of my will against Yours
the pseudo rationalizations for having it my way
my unwillingness to open my hand & let go
my declaration that everything is mine, when it's all Yours

See me, Lord
See all of me
and knowing all my faults
still let me beg mercy from He Who Is Holy

NaPoWriMo (11/30)

Excerpt from "8:10pm 4/11/13"

As many times
as I threw the knife
that nicked you
tell me
how many times did I turn around
to grind salt in the wound?

NaPoWriMo (10/30)

Uh, I'm pretty sure that this is unfinished and that I started channeling my creative oppa & unnie, who are much better at this than I am.

5:40pm 4/10/13 I don't know where this one came from

I'm not un-pretty
And apparently I've got that certain something
that makes the geek-boys swoon
(What do you mean most girls don't know
why Black ICE won't melt in June?)

NaPoWriMo (8-9/30)

I swear I actually did write a poem last night, but I was way too exhausted to post it.  Instead, I took a picture of the beginning with its familiar title-style and posted it to Facebook before passing out last night.  So if you don't trust me, you can ask my FB friends.  As soon as you find them ;)

Anywho, here are the picture of Days 8 (too raw, possibly too personal) and all of Day 9 beneath the jump.  Enjoy.

NaPoWriMo (7/30)

8:22am 4/7/13, writing on a Sunday morning for Jomo

Let's make a memory of us
one that's strong & wild & free
and just
us

Hard days are coming we know
and bad times won't wait

So let's make something that's just us
something so pervasive so unique so down in the bone
a memory of love to drown in & live on
if ever we want to leave

Lets make a memory of us
everyday
please

NaPoWriMo (6/30)

This almost didn't happen.  I'm beat.  But, as the title says, this particular subject is often on my mind so...

11:05pm, 4/6/13, On my mind off & on but mostly on this week

I thought it would be like this

that you would be the first one to throw me away

The others,

ah the others,

they’ll hem and haw and find nice things to say

for a while

Then they’ll toss me out too

But you have no guile

you don’t know the best time to lie

You already accuse me of the sins you don’t like

until you’re doing them yourself

so what’s to stop you from shooting me down

for the truths you believe in

Are you already planning what you’re going to do?

Will it break you?

NaPoWriMo (5/30)

Second verse, same as the first, there were many more poems in my head (several of which actually made it to paper!) than can be shared.  Here's today's sharer.

9:41am, 4/5/13 Our Conflicting Schedules

I miss the days
when I would curl up in your lap
You thought it strange
but let me do it anyway
because you always understood
(the way the abandoned would)
how important physical contact was to me

NaPoWriMo (4/30)

Another day filled with more poems in my head than on paper about more things than I could post even if I had written them down.  Hopefully this isn't as weird as I think it is.

11:14pm, 4/4/13 my handwritten love note is on the computer but it's just for you

When it happened to me

I didn’t want anyone to know

this pain so personal and private

it seemed wrong to allow

anyone to intrude

And when it got out

I was mad

My privacy had been violated

my wishes disregarded

my grief blown wide for all the world to see

when what I’d wanted

was to lick my wounds in a corner

in hopes of reconstituting my soul

But the love notes

the I-feel-for-yous

the this-happened-to-me-toos

did more for me than any corner could

So I feel for you

because something like this happened to me too

and though I can’t enter fully into your pain

know I love you

NaPoWriMo (3/30)

Thanks to my, ahem, adventurous morning at work I have quite a few more poems in me than just the one below, but they all keep getting written in my head faster than I can get them on paper.  We'll see which, if any, stick.  Maybe I'll post them as bonuses?  Je ne sais pas.

11:40am, 4/3/13, trembling w/anger
I could list your offenses on a piece of legal
front & back again
(and oh the irony there)

Or I could put on the head of a pin
on a scrap of sticky-paper
and paste it on your forehead:
Disrespect

In the little ways you walk all over me
you show how little you respect
my humanity

NaPoWriMo (1-2/30)

Just when you thought the adventure would never end (stop asking "What adventure?"), it's National Poetry Writing Month!  A friend of mine who's a spoken word poet has done it in years past, but it's never on my radar in time for me to participate myself.  Thanks to @GalleyCat on Twitter, I got the heads up today instead of on day 15 :D

I hope to make all 30 poems in all 30 days, though I can't promise that I'll post them every day.  I will undoubtedly post all of my poems at some point, whether I reach 30 or not. Anywho, here're the first two poems under the jump, neither of which I planned on writing when I was pondering my poems for the day.